There I was,

thinking about my past, 

counting the money I spent, 

on foolish things that I thought would last.

I meditated on the things I had failed to do,

about the conversations, I thought were safe

to pursue.

It was beyond blessings or the sins, 

or the places, 

I should have never been.

In the middle of the night, 

I mentally rehearsed the things 

that I needed to make right. 

All the tears of love and failure

watered my deeply rooted regrets.

The enemy wanted me to drown 

in all his empty threats. 

I need to relive what made me feel alive,

but then a splash of reality and into pools of loneliness, I dived.

Even when blue painted the skies, 

I knew deep down, 

something pure was failing to thrive.

I wasted hours of rest, retracing,

their grinning and smirking faces.  

Today, I would not recognize them,

even if they were all standing, 

in familiar places.  

It was in those moments, 

in the folds of the night,

when all the memories,

would take hold and take flight.

Traveled through a frozen space,

need to land,

and find my place. 

Obsessed with being lost, 

disgraced and discarded,

Now I understand why my heart 

has been so bitterly guarded. 

Lord, 

I thought you left.

Because the waves of disappointments were attached to me.

Then again,

All my focus had been on broken defeats,

I didn’t know love

would wash my feet. 

Lord, 

It is because of You that I’ve decided, 

to move on. 

You whispered it was safe

to trust the cracking of a new dawn.  

I no longer want to live in this emotional space.

I can no longer tolerate

its bitter taste. 

I need to bury the fear of feeling unliked,

or my busy attitude of “Look what I’ve done” 

Help me cease from listening to the enemy,

the father of lies.

Game over for defeat, 

Done with deceit. 

My salvation is sealed and complete. 

Lord, close the pages of yesterday,

Stitch the hope, I thought

Unraveled and frayed.

In pursuit of renewed potential,

seeking Godly desires, 

has now become essential. 

It was then, 

when I was thinking of my past

when Jesus walked by, promised my net

It was safe to cast.

Inspired by John 21:4-8 ESV